What the Heck is Polyamory?
Thursday, 12 March 2026 08:53 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
crashmarguliesThis is directly related to the "Dawn and Crash are Getting ALREADY Married!" post! Find that on Bluesky here, post with embedded images to come hopefully to the blog eventually.
@dawnsupernova, @stink_mikenzie, and myself have all collaborated on this explainer post to introduce people more widely to the concept, since we are more loudly "coming out" as poly in public, though we have all used the label for some time before this.
What is polyamory?
Translated literally as "many loves," polyamory is a form of nonmonogamy.
Every polyamorous person is going to define this term a little bit differently, but for us this means we can date multiple people, serious or casual, without compromising our existing relationships.
Nonmonogamous relationships can be open or closed. Open relationships mean more partners can be added; closed means agreements have been made between all affected parties that partners should not be added.
Our relationships, in theory, are open, meaning new relationships can start up organically without having to discuss it with existing people right away. In reality, our precautions against airborne viruses means that relationship building is pretty slow.
So are all 3 of you dating?
Not in our case! There are a lot of shapes nonmonogamous relationships can take. The simplest way to picture ours is a "V" shape, with Dawn at the point and Mikki and Crash on the lines.
Crash likes to stretch things a bit more and identifies as a relationship anarchists, meaning romantic relationships are not inherently most important in life and commitment, obligation, and family can take many shapes.
Are you all gay now?
All three of us identify as varying flavors of queer! The specific identities, terms, and flags we use are different from one another.
Also some of us were gay before, thank you very much ;)
How does someone become polyamorous?
Some people (like Mikki) view polyamory as a conscious lifestyle choice, made after discussion and planning with their partner.
Mikki says she sees polyamory as something that aligns with her values, ideals, and ethics, and a logical following for lifestyle changes and choice she has made in the last several years.
Other people (like Crash) may see poly or nonmonogamy as inherent to their thinking or being. Crash considers being nonmanogamous as essential to their building and understanding of relationships, and considers the picture of their sexual and romantic orientation (their queerness) incomplete without it.
Dawn seems to be the third, middle overlap point in this Venn diagram, having feelings in both directions!
Isn't this bigamous?
Bigamy is mostly a legal definition. As long as no one tries to legally have more than one spouse, bigamy does not apply.
Is anyone divorced or getting divorced?
Crash is already divorced, but not from anyone in this situation.
Aren't you jealous?
Sometimes! Most people who live nonmonogamously will give the same advice about jealousy: it is pointing to an un- or under-met need you have (and therefore you need to communicate to your partner at a more neutral moment) or a trigger you need to address / watch out for.
Therapy is great for this, if you can access it. So are slow, patient, and well-intentioned conversations with your partners and, when you are willing and able to have them, your partners' partners (often called metamours).
Do you...?
...live together?
Not all poly situations do, but yes, we do! At least the three main people we've been speaking about (Crash, Dawn, and Mikki.)
We live at the house Crash calls "Cat House" on their blog.
...sleep in the same bed?
Nope / not always! We each have our own rooms, for various personal reasons, including mismatched sleep and work schedules and Crash's health requiring a lot of horizontal alone time.
Sometimes Dawn sleeps or naps with a partner because snuggles are nice.
...do sex things together?
Unless you are asking to do sex things with one of us, this information is not for you! :)
What does this mean for having kids?
We don't plan on having any kids, except our furry (step)sons Jaywalker (whose other step-parent is Void) and Gideon.
If you have other, unanswered questions, both Dawn and Crash have volunteered to answer them! Mikki would prefer to be left in her cone of mostly silence where she does her best work.
Cheers!
- The Cat House Crew
@dawnsupernova, @stink_mikenzie, and myself have all collaborated on this explainer post to introduce people more widely to the concept, since we are more loudly "coming out" as poly in public, though we have all used the label for some time before this.
What is polyamory?
Translated literally as "many loves," polyamory is a form of nonmonogamy.
Every polyamorous person is going to define this term a little bit differently, but for us this means we can date multiple people, serious or casual, without compromising our existing relationships.
Nonmonogamous relationships can be open or closed. Open relationships mean more partners can be added; closed means agreements have been made between all affected parties that partners should not be added.
Our relationships, in theory, are open, meaning new relationships can start up organically without having to discuss it with existing people right away. In reality, our precautions against airborne viruses means that relationship building is pretty slow.
So are all 3 of you dating?
Not in our case! There are a lot of shapes nonmonogamous relationships can take. The simplest way to picture ours is a "V" shape, with Dawn at the point and Mikki and Crash on the lines.
Crash likes to stretch things a bit more and identifies as a relationship anarchists, meaning romantic relationships are not inherently most important in life and commitment, obligation, and family can take many shapes.
Are you all gay now?
All three of us identify as varying flavors of queer! The specific identities, terms, and flags we use are different from one another.
Also some of us were gay before, thank you very much ;)
How does someone become polyamorous?
Some people (like Mikki) view polyamory as a conscious lifestyle choice, made after discussion and planning with their partner.
Mikki says she sees polyamory as something that aligns with her values, ideals, and ethics, and a logical following for lifestyle changes and choice she has made in the last several years.
Other people (like Crash) may see poly or nonmonogamy as inherent to their thinking or being. Crash considers being nonmanogamous as essential to their building and understanding of relationships, and considers the picture of their sexual and romantic orientation (their queerness) incomplete without it.
Dawn seems to be the third, middle overlap point in this Venn diagram, having feelings in both directions!
Isn't this bigamous?
Bigamy is mostly a legal definition. As long as no one tries to legally have more than one spouse, bigamy does not apply.
Is anyone divorced or getting divorced?
Crash is already divorced, but not from anyone in this situation.
Aren't you jealous?
Sometimes! Most people who live nonmonogamously will give the same advice about jealousy: it is pointing to an un- or under-met need you have (and therefore you need to communicate to your partner at a more neutral moment) or a trigger you need to address / watch out for.
Therapy is great for this, if you can access it. So are slow, patient, and well-intentioned conversations with your partners and, when you are willing and able to have them, your partners' partners (often called metamours).
Do you...?
...live together?
Not all poly situations do, but yes, we do! At least the three main people we've been speaking about (Crash, Dawn, and Mikki.)
We live at the house Crash calls "Cat House" on their blog.
...sleep in the same bed?
Nope / not always! We each have our own rooms, for various personal reasons, including mismatched sleep and work schedules and Crash's health requiring a lot of horizontal alone time.
Sometimes Dawn sleeps or naps with a partner because snuggles are nice.
...do sex things together?
Unless you are asking to do sex things with one of us, this information is not for you! :)
What does this mean for having kids?
We don't plan on having any kids, except our furry (step)sons Jaywalker (whose other step-parent is Void) and Gideon.
If you have other, unanswered questions, both Dawn and Crash have volunteered to answer them! Mikki would prefer to be left in her cone of mostly silence where she does her best work.
Cheers!
- The Cat House Crew